The Silence of Eternity

I stood in a room with walls so white they must’ve been recently painted. A few people on either side of me wore the same plain grey gym clothes, and black shoes with green detailing I received when I arrived. A fluorescent light panel in the ceiling filled the room with harsh artificial light. We waited in awkward silence, the kind that was sticky, and claustrophobic. 

Mostly.

“They just stuck us in this room, and left us here.” A middle aged woman with greying hair, and a beak like nose squawked at the guy next to her. The poor sap kept his eyes on his shoes, and all I could see was his black hair, and pale skin. “How unprofessional. The last trial I was at had coffee at least.” 

A couple other participants glanced at her, as if she had broken some unspoken rule.

 It was always like that at these clinical trials. I hated coming to them but I desperately needed the money. So I let them stick me with a few needles or give me a few pills just so I could continue eating.     

“They didn’t even say what they were going to do to us. An experiment in perception, and virtual reality. That’s all that the ad said, can you believe that?” The middle age woman continued speaking, not noticing the uncomfortable glances everyone else was giving her. The man with black hair that she was trying to talk to shied back. He probably would have ran if there was anywhere to go.

Her words echoed my own thoughts. I had no idea what to expect. It was the compensation I came for though. I’d be able to live comfortably until I found another clinical trial to attend. 

A scientist in a white lab coat entered the room. His black hair, pale complexion, and glasses seemed stereotypical. Almost as if he was a background character in a movie. He pushed up his glasses, and shuffled through a stack of papers. 

When he noticed us all staring at him his eyes widened slightly for a moment then narrowed at us. His brown eyes were tinged with grey and had a far away look, like he was seeing us from somewhere else. 

He cleared his throat and said, “Hello, and welcome to the Consciousness Laboratory, my name is Doctor Vareo. You have been selected based on your medical history and mental health for an experiment that will take you beyond your definition of normal reality. The experiment is simple but each of you should be able to get unique results.” Dr. Vareo paused, pulling out a pair of rubber gloves from his pocket. He tucked his papers under his arm then slipped on the gloves. He retrieved a small orange container from another pocket. It looked like it had minuscule capsules in it. “This is Cerphaletomine Esonoloprazole. It is a CL original compound.” He said as he distributed a pill capsule to each person after checking over his sheet once more. 

He glanced at our name tags before giving us our does. Once everybody had a capsule he continued speaking. “Your dose is calculated based on your body weight, and preliminary test results. This compound temporarily overrides your brain’s habitual programming to allow you to see reality without it filtering through the lens of everything you already know. You should begin to feel the effects within the hour by which time I will have returned to take you to the main part of the experiment.” He then picked up his papers, and left the room. 

I held my capsule in my palm. A white dot in the center of my pink skin. My heart thumped steadily in my chest. Things had not been great lately, and I wouldn’t mind a chance to see things through a different lens. I popped my capsule, and swallowed it dry. The other participants around me did the same. I swallowed a few more times to help move the lump down my throat.

“So what are we supposed to do now?” One of the other participants said. He was tall with short black hair, dark skin, and five o’clock shadow, he looked about forty-five years old and his name tag read Terry in precise handwriting. 

Most of the other participants ignored him.

“Nothing, that’s what. We’re just supposed to wait here until we’re out of our minds enough for them to do their experiment on us,” Someone else said. The speaker was a college kid with medium length black hair, and dusty green eyes. He was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall farthest from the door. 

I didn’t know what to do so I just sat down on the floor and tried to relax. A few of the others sat down as well. 

“Anybody done an experiment with these guys before?”

“I have.” Said a burly man. His head was bald and he had a long curly black beard that hung down his chest, and was starting to go gray in some places.  I’d have bet fifty dollars that he had a motorcycle. If I had fifty bucks to bet. He was one of the few people still standing, and he kept glancing toward the door. 

“What was like?” The college kid asked.

The burly man stared at him for a while before grinning wildly. “Not bad. Actually, it was a helluva lot better than the last test I was at. Broke out in hives there. I felt like I was never going to stop being itchy.” He barked a ragged laugh at that. “These guys just make you feel funny.”

Everybody started speaking at once.

“Are we going to be okay?”

“How long does it last?”

“Will I still be me afterwards?

A half dozen other questions overlapped incoherently. These guys must be rookies if a little pill unnerved them that much. 

The burly man chuckled then he sat down slowly with his back to the door. 

“Everybody chill out. Ok? Ok. I will start with the one question I heard. My name’s Derrick, or Rick for short. Now if everybody could not talk at once I will do my best to answer your questions.” Rick said. He had a roughness to him that matched his appearance but I could tell that he was a nice guy from the way he calmed everybody down and offered to answer their questions. It was quiet for a few seconds as everybody waited to see who would speak first.

“Are we going to be okay.” Terry said breaking the silence. 

“Of course. The Consciousness Laboratory is government funded so they have access to one hundred percent pure stuff, and their staff is trained to handle pretty much anything.”  Rick said, his gravelly voice had a soothing quality to it. 

Like a rock. 

Solid. 

Everybody seemed noticeably more relaxed. I laid down on the floor and let the questions, and answers drift through my ears. My body felt like it was dissolving into a puddle of calmness. This was where I was supposed to be. 

Outside nothing made any sense. 

The corners of the room blended together, and I couldn’t tell exactly how far away the ceiling was. I noticed the door was also white and had a white door knob, it was almost impossible to see. The room reminded me of every scene in every movie where a character talks to God. Pure whiteness stretching out to infinity. Limitless space for limitless beings. 

My mind wandered beyond my grasp.

I watched as some of the other people slowly walked around the room. Their black shoes sometimes squeaked on the floor. A couple stood staring at nothing, lost in thought. Rick was still sitting on the floor answering the questions of anybody who felt a bit nervous. I couldn’t tell if he was beginning to feel the effects yet. He sat there like some kind of biker Buddha, doing his best to reassure. The college kid was still sitting with his back against the wall but now he has this huge grin on his face. His smile made me smile.

I stood up and did a slow lap around the room with my hand trailing along the wall. Though I could feel the wall I still felt like I was in an infinite space. The reflection of light on the floor tiles grabbed my attention next. As I moved my head side to side it rippled like water. I’d never seen anything so beautiful as light. The physics I had learned in school came back to me. Waves and particles, quantum mechanics showed that they’re the same thing. Another embodiment of the duality of reality. 

These were only labels of contrast. 

“You look smart. You're smart, right?” The middle aged woman interrupted my thoughts. Her name tag read Claurice. She looked up at me expectantly with grey eyes, and a few wrinkles.

“Uuh. I guess so. I went to school for physics.” I responded. My words felt unfamiliar in my mouth.

“How’d that work out for you?” Her voice was nasally, and far louder than necessary.

‘Huh. I don’t know. Not well, I guess. Couldn’t do anything with it.” I didn’t appreciate being interrogated, and she had hit a sore spot so I turned away without another word then wandered to the other side of the room.

I took a deep breath, trying to recapture some of the peace I felt before. Instead I felt like my skeleton wanted to jump out of my skin.  

It was the same feeling that I normally felt. Somehow it seemed more intense. 

I wondered if the compound they had given us was causing it. I decided to ask Rick about it. He was sitting by himself now. Everybody had asked the questions they wanted to, and were satisfied with the answers. 

The room was really starting to bump now. 

People were mingling together discussing a dozen different ideas at the same time, yet somehow managing to have a coherent conversation. That didn’t usually happen at these things.

It seemed like this was something I had been missing but I didn’t know that it was missing until I found it. 

The atmosphere of the room distracted me for several minutes. I was content just to watch. Eventually I remembered that I wanted to ask Rick something so I sat down beside him.

“Does this stuff make you feel bad? I just… I just feel like I do all the time but worse.” I forced out the words even though I mostly wanted to just disappear.

“What do you mean? What are you feeling bad about?” Rick said as he looked at me with his full attention. His beard shook, and shimmered as he turned his heads towards me.

“I don’t know. My life is a mess. I just feel so directionless most of the time, and I don’t know if that pill they gave us is making it worse right now.”

“Is anything wrong at this exact moment?” His words cut through my worry.

“No, not really.” I looked around. The other participants were having a good time for the most part. Laughter, and conversation filled the air. Claurice was sobbing, a ragged wail that she stifled with a pink handkerchief. Terry sat with her, holding her hand, and murmuring to her.

“Exactly. Enjoy the moment first then figure everything else out from there.” Rick’s words were soft even though his voice was rough.

I was quiet for a moment as I let his words soak in. Then said, “It’s amazing how everybody was so awkward before and now we’re like a big happy herd.” 

“Yep. We got a lot of programming that keeps us from opening up to the people around us.” He said. His pupils are dilated. They remind me of a black hole. I stared into his eyes, lost in their depths. Rick stared back. I don’t know how long this went on for but after a while I realized how weird this would have been if we were in a normal situation. 

That made me laugh. 

Rick laughs too. A deep belly laugh that resonates throughout the room. Social norms seem so ridiculous. I wanted to be me regardless of what anybody thinks. 

Memories of times where I acted differently, or didn’t act at all, just to appease the people around me flashed through my mind. 

I could feel tears filling my eyes and trickling down my face as I realized how many times I denied my true self from fear of what others might think or say.

Rick notices the tears, “Hey man, everything is going to be okay.” He said. He put his hand on my shoulder. His touch felt reassuring but at the same time it made me want to cry more. That kind of physical contact was so uncommon in my life. I could understand that to some people it might feel intrusive, and make them uncomfortable. Especially if it came from someone other than a loved one; but a friendly touch can say something that might not be so easily expressed with words. 

The college kid began clapping, and smacking his open palms down on the floor. It was only a simple beat but the rhythm danced in my ears. Someone else started humming along. Rick dropped his hand from my shoulder as I began to sway along with the music. Swaying wasn’t enough though. 

I jumped up, and started to dance. 

A few people laughed at my dancing but it didn’t feel like they were laughing at me. I was just glad that I could cause them to laugh simply by moving my body to our impromptu music. Suddenly Rick jumped up beside me then Terry joined us. They shook, and shimmied like I’d never seen before. 

In a moment everybody, except the college kid, was up on their feet grooving to the beat. A girl added her voice to the music. She sang a simple melody without any words. There hardly seemed enough room for everybody to dance at once. 

Bodies were bumping together as we moved in a chaotic rhythm. 

Our feet started to create the beat as we moved with more intensity. The college kid jumped up, and entered the fray. Everybody was laughing, and adding to our music with their voices. Making noises, and melodies that clashed, and bounced. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and sweat dripped down my body. 

My sense of self faded away, and I felt like one of my ancient ancestors, dancing around the fire with the rest of my people. 

I’d never felt a stronger sense of community. These people I hadn’t even known a short time ago became closer to me than anyone else in my life.

It shouldn’t have been like that.

I was barely aware of when someone cleared their throat. “Excuse me, may I have your attention please.” The voice sounded familiar but I couldn’t locate the source. I was in the middle of the group, and everywhere I looked was a tangle of limbs and bodies. “Excuse me, Excuse me.” I heard again, louder this time. Slowly we stopped dancing, and I was finally able to see Dr. Vareo speaking. He stood by the door, which was now open, and a dozen young faces peered in at us. Their ears were fresh, and smiles filled their faces. 

“It’s time to begin the second phase of the experiment. In a moment you will be guided by an intern to separate rooms where we have set up the most sophisticated virtual reality system in the world. The system combines our own custom virtual reality headset, movement equipment, and motion tracking devices along with state of the art voice recognition software. All of this combines together to create the most immersive virtual reality ever invented. You will be playing through an original Consciousness Laboratory program that will drop you into a fully exploreable open world. This world is populated with computer characters that will respond to what you say and do. There are many quests and activities you will be able to experience.” Dr. Vareo said. As he spoke he got more, and more excited. By the end he was pacing around the room making elaborate hand gestures.

I looked around at Rick, Terry and all the other friends I made in our short time together. “Will we have more time to hang out together afterwards?” I asked Dr. Vareo. He looked a little surprised by the question but then nodded. I smiled then clapped Rick on the back. “I’ll see you on the other side,” I said to nobody in particular, then I went to stand in front of the line of interns. “Lead the way.”

A young woman with braided brown hair stepped forward. She had smokey-green eyes that sparkled with youthful energy. She was slightly tan, and her smile warmed the room  

“Follow me.” She said in a melodious voice then she turned and walked out the door. I waved goodbye to everybody then followed her out. I had to hurry to catch up. 

The hallway had the same white tiles as the room we were in before but now the walls were light blue. It stretched on as far as I could see, and each side was lined with grey doors. The lighting fixtures lining the wall gave off a pale light. Ahead, one flickered. As if it was doing it’s best not to go out.

“What’s your name?” I asked once I was walking beside her. 

“Miranda.” She said, still looking straight ahead. I could tell she didn’t want to talk but that wasn’t going to stop me from trying. The sound of our footsteps echoed through the hallway.  It was an eerie contrast to the previous merriment.

“So Miranda, have you ever tried Cerphaladwadada Esonolwatchyamacallit?” I asked, this time I got a slight reaction. A faint curve of her lips into a smile. It was gone in a second.

“Cerphaletomine Esonoloprazole.” She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye as she spoke.

“That’s exactly what I said. It is really quite marvelous. You absolutely must try it someday.” I overemphasized my words trying to get a laugh. 

Still nothing.

 “Especially if you consider yourself a scientist.” I added, almost as an afterthought.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Well, if you’re working in a place called the Consciousness Laboratory then shouldn’t you at least experiment with your own consciousness a little bit?”

We stopped in front of an elevator, Miranda pushed the down button. “I’ve considered trying it but not until I’ve graduated. I need to focus my attention on my school work.” Miranda said as we waited for the elevator. The metal doors slid open. I followed Miranda in. Each of the sides, except the one with the door, had metal panels until half way up then a mirror to the ceiling. This was the first opportunity I had to see my reflection since ingesting my dose of the pharmaceutical. My brain couldn’t hold onto the jumble of syllables, even after Miranda just said it I had already forgotten it. My reflection distracted me. 

Long brown hair rippled as I moved my head, like a brown stream flowing down my scalp. The pot lights in the ceiling cast a warm glow down on me. I laughed when I noticed how enormous my pupils were. I could barely see my grey irises. I could see Miranda standing behind me, watching what I was doing. Then I noticed the reflection of the mirror on the opposite wall, and it was like seeing into infinity. Reflections within reflections within reflections, forever on both sides. I wondered if each reflection was actually another elevator in a parallel universe. Outwardly looking the same but the version of Miranda, and myself  that inhabited them had gone through total different life experiences. 

Miranda pressed a button, and the elevator started moving downward. I felt slightly less heavy as we moved with the pull of gravity. I was practically floating but my feet were still on the floor. My existence had been bound too long by the limitations of this physical reality. 

Controlled by social norms, and people’s expectations. 

I wanted to be free to experience life on my own terms. It seemed so simple in the moment but a small part of myself knew that it might not be the case when I felt normal again. 

The elevator stopped. 

I was aware of my full weight again. I could still remember the feeling of lightness, and it added a buoyancy to my steps. The doors slid open, and I silently said goodbye to all the alternative versions of myself that existed in the mirror universes.

We were in another hallway that looked exactly the same as the one before. I wondered if it actually was the same hallway, and if the time in the elevator had been some sort of elaborate hallucination. Then I remembered that Miranda leading the way. I trusted her to get me where I needed to go. By the time I was out of the elevator she was already unlocking a door a few metres down the hallway. 

I hurried to catch up. 

Miranda was in the room by the time I arrived, and she held the door open for me to  enter. The first thing I noticed was an odd contraption in the middle of the room. It had an octagonal platform with two supports extending from the sides, and connecting to a hoop in the middle. The entire thing was black except for green strips that lined the base, and supports. The colour scheme matched the shoes I had been given upon my arrival. Sitting on a small table beside the contraption was a high tech headset. It was rectangular at the front, and had headphones attached to a band that wrapped around to connect each side. The room itself was unmemorable, the same white tiles, walls and ceiling as the room my journey started in. Except for the Green lights that shone down from the ceiling. After I moment I noticed there was a small camera on each of the walls. Miranda waited patiently as I took it  in.

“What is all of this?” I asked.

“This is what you will use to interface with our program,” She said as she walked over to the contraption, and flicked a switch. The green strips lit up giving it the appearance of something from a sci-fi movie. “If you would please get on the motion pad I will assist you with the VR headset.” Miranda picked up the headset and watched as I ducked under the hoop then stood up, standing within it. The platform had a smooth surface and my shoes gave barely enough traction to stay upright. 

I tried walking and to my surprise I was able to do something that actually felt like real walking. The hoop had a cushioned inside, which kept me comfortable in place as my feet slid over the platform surface. I sped up my steps until I ran at almost full speed. The hoop fit snugly, and it moved up, and down with my body as I ran. It was such an odd sensation, running without going anywhere that I burst out laughing. 

My feet slid out from under me, and I gripped the hoop to keep from going down completely. My body sagged against the hoop but the supports seemed sturdy enough to hold me. I carefully slid my feet back under me, and stood back up.

Miranda giggled a little, then cut off as soon as she realized what she was doing. “Please hold still for one moment.” She said. Then she reached up, and slipped the VR headset onto my face. There was an uncomfortable pull, and then I felt the strap against the back of my head. The rectangular part fit snugly over the top half of my face, completely obscuring my vision. With the headphones over my ears it became harder to hear Miranda. “I am turning on the headset, it may feel too bright but your eyes will adjust,” she said in a muffled voice. The inside of the headset began to light up. It happened slowly with just the backlight firing up first, then a burst of dark iridescent lines writhed, and twisted across the screen. Their swirling was mesmerizing as the lines pulsated, and intermingled.

The headset wasn’t exactly comfortable but I figured I would get used to it. If I focused I was able to see two separate lenses directly in front of my eyes, and on the other side of them was the screen. It seemed to take up my full range of vision. As I turned my head my view moved with me, and I could see the hypnotic amorphous lines surrounding me on all sides. As if I was inside of some abstract cosmic tapestry that was constantly reweaving itself.

I closed my eyes against the image, turning my awareness inwards. I had been surrounded by people since I took the unpronounceable compound. My inner experience had lingered in the periphery. Even though I had enjoyed my time with the others I wondered at how this compound would affect my awareness without external stimulus.

Every sensation was fresh. As if I was experiencing it for the first time.

I could feel the clothes on my body, and my heart beating. My body was heavier on my feet than I had felt before. There was so much to feel, and I didn’t know where to start. 

It was like being in someone else’s body.

My mind roiled through emotions, and memories. Being pushed off of the playground by a bully. Winning the basketball tournament as a teenager. Driving for the first time.  It was so vivid I could almost feel the steering wheel in my hand, or the gravel against my jaw. My body surged with the feeling of it all. The joy, the pain, and everything in between. 

At the core there was a peaceful ocean. It was an anchor to hold on to in case my enhanced awareness of my emotions became too overwhelming. 

I dove deeper into my internal awareness. 

Recent years flooded me. The futile search for employment after graduation. The lonely nights in my barren apartment. Sleepless nights tossing, and turning.

My life was blurring by, and each year was more turbulent than the last. I took a deep breath to steady myself as the confusion I usually felt welled up inside of me. I was supposed to be an adult but I didn’t have anything figured out.

Something shifted inside me. I saw myself through the eyes of someone else, and cringed at what I saw.

I had nothing to show for my time on Earth.

It felt like a knife to the gut. I touched my stomach, half expecting there to be the slick warm feeling of blood on my fingers. I had been ignoring those feelings for a long time as I drifted along.

The loading screen finished, and my mind lost it’s hold on that awareness. It didn’t fully fade away though. The emptiness was still there, asking me to fill it.

I couldn’t begin to even imagine how. 

All of that took a backseat to the world displayed in front of my eyes. 

I was standing in the middle of Times Square in New York. I moved my head from side to side and the image displayed on the screen matched my motions. Enormous blocks of buildings loomed over me. I knew it wasn’t really but inside I still felt small as I looked around. The depth, and detail was staggering. The cloudy sky above was reflected in the windows, and I could see more skyscrapers through the gaps in the buildings nearest to me. Their metal, and glass glinted in the trickles of sunlight that slipped through the clouds.

I raised my hands up in front of my face, and they appeared in front of me as well. My skin looked different, less worn, and the long scar on the back of my life hand wasn’t there. 

The graphics were crisp, and realistic. If I hadn’t just put on the headset I might have thought I was actually in Times square. 

There was complete silence. I spun around without seeing a single person, or vehicle. The massive advertisement displays were dead, and not a single neon light shone. 

I had never seen New York this empty. 

I started to run. 

I didn’t pick a direction, I just went. The motion pad felt unnatural underneath me but if I focused on what I was seeing, and how it made me feel I could almost forget that I was in a room that was essentially empty. 

I ran through quiet streets, haunted by the skyscrapers that weighed down on me. The traffic lights were off, and at every intersection I stopped in the middle to look down each street.

I still didn’t see anybody. 

It seemed odd that the Consciousness Laboratory would go through all this trouble to make a virtual reality program then not fill it with any people. I vaguely remember Dr. Vareo said something about computer characters but for some reason I got the impression from him there would be a lot of them. 

I decided to check out the subway. Walking down the stairs was disorienting, I walked on a flat surface but the display in front of my eyes showed a scene that looked exactly like I was walking down stairs. My view bobbed with each step as I descended. I reached the bottom, and walked into the subway station. Ignoring the turnstiles I went right onto the platform. 

It was empty here as well so I walked off the ledge, and dropped onto the tracks. I started to run, and didn’t stop until I reached the next station. I stared at the grey platform trying to figure out how I could climb back up. This virtual reality technology was neat but it seemed to have some limitations. 

I stood there for a while. I wasn’t in a rush. 

For once I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. There was still a bit of directionlessness in the background of my awareness but I realized it would never quite go away. I could only start from where I was though. That was the only way forward.

I noticed a noise in my headphones, it sounded far away, and I couldn’t figure out what it was. It sounded like a buzzing mixed with a whisper but somehow completely hollow. As if someone had chopped most of the high, and low frequencies from the sound. I turned my head trying to figure out what direction it was coming from. It got slightly louder when I looked towards the stairs that led in, and out of the station. 

I still didn’t know how to get back on the platform. I couldn’t just stand there though so I stepped up as close to the platform as I could get. Then I put my arms out, as if I could touch the ledge, and I step forward. My view moved like I had climbed up, and I was standing on top of the platform. I was tempted to stick around, and try climbing over some other things until I heard the noise again. There was something unsettling about it. 

Going up the stairs was almost as disorienting as going down them. I walked on a flat surface, and saw my view go up the stairs. My view swayed, and jostled with each step. I was glad to be back on the street though. The subway was already creepy on a good day but when it was empty it felt like a scene in a horror flick. I could hear the noise much more clearly, even though it was still quiet. 

It sounded like crying now.

“Hello?” I called out, “Is anybody there?” The noise stopped for a second then started again. Louder this time. 

It was definitely crying. 

I set off in the direction it came from. The empty streets and tall buildings weighed on me as I searched for the source of the crying. It got louder, and quieter at random. A few times I had to turn around because I couldn’t hear it anymore. As things started to seem hopeless the crying filled my ears louder than ever before. 

I stopped in the middle of the plaza I had been running through. Shops and businesses were set on the ground floor of the buildings surrounding the plaza. Each one looked as promising to the next. There was a bakery, a cafe, a dry cleaners, a lawyer's office, a day care centre and a few other businesses that had names that didn’t explain what they were. Their display signs were off, and empty windows watched me. The apartments, and office buildings above the businesses seemed to be waiting for something.

I realized that the day care centre would be the most obvious choice. I turned, running towards it. 

The crying got louder. 

I wanted to cover my ears but that wouldn’t be effective. 

As soon as I opened the glass door the crying stopped. 

With a deep breath, I entered the building. The walls were light blue, and covered with hangings of children’s artwork. Colourful images of strange creatures with scales in a desert, geometric patterns that warped the eye, and abstract faces. Toys were strewn across the floor. A small child sat at a plastic table and chairs set with his head in his arms.

“Hello.” I said quietly, not wanting to startle the boy. 

His head shot up anyways, eyes lighting up as his body still pulled back reflexively. He had a shaved head, and sparkling dark eyes. His cheeks were still pudgy from baby fat. His clothes remind me of what people wore in old movies, plain brown trousers and a loose fitting weaved grey shirt. I could see his bare feet poking out under the table.

“Who are you?” He asked as he wiped away tears from his eyes. 

“I’m just a lone traveler.” I said taking a few steps closer. “I heard your crying, and thought somebody might be hurt. Where are your parents?”

A loose tear trickled down the side of his face as he said, “I don’t know. I went exploring, I know I’m not supposed to but I couldn’t help myself there are so many things to see. Now I’m lost.” The words came out in a rush, all jammed together.

“It’s okay, I’ll help you find your parents. What’s your name?” 

He perked up immediately, and wiped his eyes with the back of his firsts. I walked over and kneeled beside his chair. 

“Jimmy.” He said between sniffles.

“Well, Jimmy, everything is going to be alright. Where do you live?”

“In the village, it’s in the only part of the city that has any nature.” 

That sounded like Central Park. I had lived in New York most of my life, and I had a pretty good idea of where I was, and how to get to Central Park from here. “Let’s go find your parents Jimmy.” I said as I stood up. Jimmy did the same then followed me out the door. We walked side by side in silence for a while. 

This was my first opportunity to talk with a citizen of this virtual world so I decided to take advantage of it. “Has the city always been this empty?”

“Oh yes, my family has lived here for a very long time and there has only ever been the people living in the village.” Jimmy said, bouncing around as he spoke, and gesturing wildly. His tears were forgotten now that I was bringing him home. “Teacher Jack tells us stories from when he traveled around the world and he says not all the cities are like this. Some are completely empty, not a village, and others are full of people although they never get close to filling the buildings. He even says that some look like this while others almost don’t exist because they are unimaginably different.” He said the bigger words with a slow emphasis on each syllable. “I don’t know what that means. Teacher Jack often says things are confusing.” 

“Who is this Teacher Jack?” I asked when the barrage of words came to an end. I wanted to know as much about this world as possible. 

“He teaches at the temple, before he came to the village he traveled all around learning everything there is to be learned. He’s one of the oldest people in the village, besides the Elders.” Jimmy said, he started to skip beside me as he became more comfortable. His carefree enjoyment of life made me smile. “Are you traveling to learn like Teacher Jack?” Jimmy said before I could ask another question.

“Sort of, I do my best to learn from every experience that presents itself. I don’t know if you would ever be able to call me a teacher though.” I said. I wasn’t sure if it was the pharmaceutical I still couldn’t pronounce, or just the fact that I was talking to a virtual child but I had never felt my thoughts be communicated as effectively as they were now. It was like each word was an entire sentence on its own, expressing my association with it, and the feeling of the word itself. As I spoke I not only demonstrated who I was. I had insights into my identity as well. 

“Why’s that?” Jimmy looked puzzled.

“I’ve always wanted to teach other people about the mysteries of life. I felt like I barely was aware of them myself though. ” I didn’t want to reveal Jimmy’s reality was completely virtual because I wasn’t sure if he knew or not. I chose my words carefully, and stayed away from anything that might imply it. “I set out to explore the mysteries, and haven’t made it back yet. I don’t think I have anything to teach until then.” I opened up to Jimmy more than I had to a real human in longer than I’d care to admit. 

Jimmy looked more confused. 

“That sounds silly. In the village everybody has skills they use to keep things running, and everybody can teach their skills if somebody wants to learn. My mama makes clothing and she taught me how, although I don’t think that is the skill that I want to help the village with.” Jimmy said as his skipping became a sort of dancing walk. Every step was infused with movement. I watched as his left arm went up at the same time as his right leg stepped forward, then he shook both, and crouched before hopping forward. Each step was its own performance. 

I laughed then imitated his movements, putting my whole body into the process of walking. When Jimmy saw that I was doing it ,  he increased his intensity, adding spins, jumps, and kicks all while moving forward to an unseen rhythm. 

I attempted the same but I kept whacking my arms and legs on the hoop and supports of the motion pad. I toned down my dance-walking, and let it flow naturally. The only sound was our footsteps as we danced towards Central Park.  I started getting tired, and could feel sweat dripping around the headset so I resumed walking normally. Jimmy kept at it, and as I walked he danced in circles around me, giggling. 

“Where are you from Mr. Lone Traveler?” Jimmy said, then he stopped dance-walking and stared at me. I knew this question would come eventually and I wasn’t sure how to answer that didn’t expose Jimmy’s world as virtual, and shatter his perception.

“I’m from a place very similar to here but it’s so far away that you would never be able to get there. There are a lot more people living there, and we do most things very differently. It’s a wonderful place but sometimes it feels nice to go someplace else.”  I said cautiously. Jimmy looked like he was about to ask more questions, then his face lit up.

“Hey, I know where we are!” He shouted. “The village is up ahead. Come on!” Jimmy started running. I chased after him, we rounded a corner, and Central Park was right there. Jimmy kept running and waved for me to follow but I was already out of breath. 

Then I noticed the trees. 

Their leaves rippled in the wind. Each one moving on its own yet they flowed together. The willow trees caught my attention. 

It was like they had stepped out of a painting, and each second they were repainted to give the impression of movement. If I hadn’t already been out of breath the raw natural beauty would have taken my breath away. As I focused more intensely on my vision I became aware of slight distortions. Things at the edge of my field of view morphed, and moved as if they didn’t have a definite shape until I looked right at them. 

Even the ground seemed to swirl as I looked at it. This was definitely caused by the chemical compound. I hadn’t thought that the substance would affect my vision but I guessed if it was altering my brain chemistry there could be some side effects. I couldn't say how long I had been hallucinating for because I had been so caught up in each moment I hadn’t noticed. 

I took a step back, not literally, my awareness did. 

I looked at the situation objectively. I knew I was in a room that was almost empty except for the devices that let me interact with this world. I knew this was a virtual world, and that Jimmy was some sort of artificial intelligence. 

Right now it was more real to me than anything I had experienced before. I had easily forgotten it was virtual until I took a moment to look at things objectively. 

“Mr. Traveler.” Jimmy yelled. I was only half aware of him until he yelled again, louder. “MR. TRAVELER!” I snapped out my reverie and looked up to see Jimmy pulling a middle aged woman along by the hand. She was wearing an ankle length light blue skirt and a white  blouse. Her long brown hair was wrapped up in a bun and she wore a pair of wide frame glasses. She didn’t have any wrinkles but there was an air of maturity to her, and her deep green eyes hinted at the experiences she lived through. Then it hit. 

These people didn’t age the same as people in the real world. They might not die of old age. I felt like a child as the woman looked me up, and down.

They were staring at me expectantly. “Sorry, I got distracted.” The woman smiled at that, then pulled her hand free of Jimmy’s and rested it on his shoulders.

“No need to apologize, getting distracted is one of my favorite things to do. My name is Matilda, I’m Jimmy’s mother. Jimmy told me all about what happened. No matter how often I tell him to not go exploring he always does, and he almost always gets lost. If it wasn’t for you we would have had to send out a search party.” Matilda said, her voice was gentle but also conveyed an attitude of authority. She had a slight southern drawl that reminded me of someone from the old west.

“I can’t help myself. “Jimmy said, “There are so many things to see, why should I stay in the village my whole life?”

“Well sweetie,” Matilda said as she looked down at Jimmy affectionately, “It’s not so much that you need to stay in the village your whole life, just that you need to be able to find your way back to it when you leave.” She looked back up at me, “It looks like we might have another Traveler on our hands.” 

I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, it seemed like some sort of title and the way she said it made me think it was applied to me as well. “So Jimmy, are you going to show me around the village? What you told me on our way here piqued my interests, and I’m excited to see it.” I said, not quite trying to change the subject but eager to move on to something else.

“Of course Mr. Traveler.” Jimmy said, laughing as he broke away from his mother and ran over to a nearby path. “We’re nearly there. I bet you never been to a place like the village.” He yelled back before he ran out of sight. Matilda took my arm in hers, and we casually strolled after him. I wasn’t sure if it was the compound, or being so immersed in the experience but I could almost feel her skin on my skin.

“I really must thank you again for finding Jimmy, and bringing him back. I don’t know how long it would have taken a search party to locate him.” She said, then glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. “For as long as you’re in the village you can stay with us, and I won’t take no for an answer.” That path wound through a manicured garden, and then into a tree tunnel. The branches and leaves overhead blocked out the sky It was calming being in the shadows.

“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t know how long I will be staying. Like Jimmy said, there are so many things to see.” 

It wasn’t meant as a joke but Matilda laughed anyways. “Yes, well I fear that boy has a little too much of his father in him. He was a Traveler too. He came through the city on his way down south and just happened to stumble upon the village. A wonderful man that really contributed to the community. He always talked about leaving but he ended up staying for a few years after Jimmy was born. Then one night he left while everybody was asleep. I always knew he would but I hoped it would be after Jimmy was grown up.” Matilda said with a far away look in her eye. I wasn’t sure how to respond but thankfully I didn’t have to. 

We exited the tree tunnel and the path turned into a bridge over a stream. That was when I got my first look at the village. The houses almost looked like shanties, built out of whatever material that was laying around the city, except that they weren’t rundown. In fact each one had been constructed with its own unique architectural design. Some had columns lining the front. Others had bay windows that I could see colourful cushions through. Many of them had ornate frames around the windows, and doors. Carved with what looked to be vines, or swirling geometric patterns. There were palisades, sunrooms, and porches that wrapped around the houses.  No two look anything alike except that they were houses with walls and a roof. A few even had giant murals of fantastical creatures, and natural landscapes painted on them. 

In the middle of it all was a fountain which served as the village square. People ran around laughing and playing, not just children but adults too. Others mingled and socialized. I could feel the sense of community before I had even stepped off the bridge. On the far side of the village square was a large building that looked like the temple Jimmy had mentioned. It was much larger than all the other buildings, and somehow combined all the different styles of architecture to form the centrepiece of the village. It was topped by a steeple painted like a rainbow. It’s beauty was overwhelming, I had never seen a building like it. It almost seemed more like art than it did a building. 

“Wow.” I said. 

“Like nothing you’ve ever seen before.” Matilda whispered beside me. Then I noticed a group was gathering at the other side of the bridge, and of course Jimmy was at their head. He stood there waving his arms dramatically as he recounted the tale of our meeting. Although he omitted certain facts, like how he was crying when we met, I had to applaud his ability to embellish and exaggerate. He mentioned seeing a dragon at some point too. 

He finished his tale as we stepped off the bridge, and into the village proper. Normally large crowds made me uncomfortable, especially if I was the focus of attention, but the people of the village greeted me like an old friend. Calls asking about my health, or if I required anything while I was in the village filled my ears. I still felt slightly overwhelmed but it was manageable. I wasn’t really sure what to do but then I was saved by the bell. 

Literally. 

The heavy clanging of an old church bell came from the direction of the village square. I assumed it was coming from the temple.

“It’s time for Teacher Jack’s lesson.” Jimmy yelled over the din. The children around him yelled, and whooped as well, and Jimmy beat his hands on his chest. Then they all took off running towards the source of the ringing. I had become rooted where I stood as I watched the exuberance. Even the adults were excited, although they displayed it a little less. Matilda had to pull on my arm to get me moving again. We joined the flow of people. 

A man with short black hair and a large pointy nose fell in step beside us. He wore a plain blue t-shirt and jeans. “Hello Matilda, Hello Traveler.” He said.

“Hello, David. How are you on this glorious day?” Matilda said, smiling up at David. He was at least a foot taller than Matilda, and I looked at him over her head. I was still a little dazed as I adjusted to all the excitement and I mumbled a casual greeting. David took this as normal and focused on Matilda. 

“I am wonderful, little Renton just took his first steps this morning.” He said.

“That’s amazing.” Matilda said as she squeezed his arm. “Before you know it, it’ll be Renton we have to send search parties into the city to find.” They both laughed hard at that. I even chuckled a little, not because I thought it was funny. Just that their full bodied laughing was so infectious. Someone called David’s name, and he walked off clutching his belly. A few more people walked with us, and made conversation. Each time Matilda greeted them by name and inquired about their health, and life. 

I did my best to be amicable but felt slightly out of place. 

Everyone was so genuine, and they sincerely cared about each other. The village seemed like a family, and I felt like an intruder. Until I realized that my feeling of being an outsider was not reciprocated. Everybody that came to chat with Matilda treated me like I belonged there, asking about my travels, and saying I could stay in the village as long as I pleased. 

“Why do people treat me like that?” I asked Matilda when we were alone again.

“Like what?” She said, looking up at me with a smidgen of concern in her eyes.

“Like they’ve known me my whole life, and they call me Traveler as if it’s some form of special society.” 

“We treat everybody that comes to the village like that. Travelers are pretty much their own society but they’re also accepted everywhere. In a way they are part of every society. You must have traveled from far away not to know this.” Matilda said, somehow explaining as if it were common knowledge but without talking down to me. 

“But you don’t even know my name, or anything about me.”

“We accept everyone as if they were born here, and we don’t expect them to share any personal information until they are ready.” She said matter of factly.

I had never met anybody like this before. The people of the village were so alive and so open to life. I finally started to relax, and feel comfortable with the way of life in the village by the time we reached the temple. 

Up close it was even more amazing. 

Every inch of it was covered with something different. Corners were carved into elaborate designs of trees, waves, or other things from nature. The wide walls were decorated with mosaics of colourful imagery. Often depicting the city around the village, except that it was luminous, and radiant. Other imagery was abstract. A jumble of colours, and shapes that had a harmonious feel to their chaos. In between the mosaics, and carvings were other smaller pictures, painted right on to the walls. I didn’t have a chance to inspect them as we followed the stream of people through the wide wooden double doors. 

As we entered I saw that it was carved to depict the village against the city skyline. It looked a little odd since it was open and I could only see one half at a time but the artistry was still impressive. I hoped that I had the opportunity to see the whole thing at some point.

As I stepped through the doors my expectations were thrown on the ground, and obliterated. Every inch of open wall space was covered with paintings, or drawings. Some were simple finger paintings while others were much more technically sophisticated, with complex depictions of light, or landscapes. The level of self expression was impressive and the variety was extraordinary. Most of the walls were taken up by massive bookshelves that stretched almost to the ceiling. The spines of the books that filled them were almost as colourful as the images on the walls beside them. In between a couple of bookshelves I noticed small alcoves set into the walls. The alcoves were furnished with a solid wooden desk, and a couple of chairs. 

I had thought that there might be pews inside but again my expectations were woefully inadequate. Instead couches of every colour and style filled the room in concentric semi circles. There were modern couches with plain upholstery, metal frames, and a minimalist rectangular design. As well as antique couches with gold legs, wooden arms, and patterned upholstery. I saw retro couches with garish colours, and simple futons too. 

At the front of the room was a small raised platform where the speaker could stand, and be seen. I noticed Jimmy sitting with his friends on the floor between the first row of couches, and the platform. The room was a flurry of activity, groups of people congregated to discuss ideas. Many of the couches were already occupied, and I even saw a few kids hopping from couch to couch. They gave a great cry whenever one of them slipped onto the floor. I couldn’t help but smile at that. It reminded me of a game we played as kids where we pretended that the floor was lava. 

There was so much exuberance that I could almost feel it pulsating. I had already been amazed by the energy of life in the village, and this building seemed to be a focal point, concentrating, and amplifying that energy. 

A tall man with greying black hair stepped on to the platform, and cleared his throat. He wore a tie dye shirt of green, and orange, and baggy grey sweatpants. Pink flip flops poked out from beneath his sweatpants. As soon as people saw him they ran to grab any remaining couch space. Matilda led me over to stand behind the last row of couches. 

The hum of a hundred different conversations going on at once ceased instantly.

“Hello everybody.” He said. His voice was slightly raspy and he spoke with a fatherly tone, a mixture of pride and concern that told me how much he cared for these people. His gaze swept over the crowd with piercing blue eyes.

“Hello Teacher Jack.” The majority of people shouted back.

“Today I want to talk to you about beliefs, I know it is a subject I have covered considerably but it is always good to hear these things again to keep them fresh in your mind. It is not what you believe that is important. No, it is how those beliefs shape your actions that is important. You could believe everybody is really potato chips, and that’s a fine thing to believe, until you start trying to eat people.” He said. The response was deafening, uproarious laughter. Every person laughed as hard as they could, and Teacher Jack just stood there smiling. I got the feeling that these people laughed mostly because they enjoyed it. Not so much because of how funny things were. 

When everybody was silent he continued. “I could spend hours telling you about my beliefs, or the guidance, and direction they give me but at the end of the day they are my beliefs. They are what I have discovered will help me live the best way I can under my circumstances. Sure, they might help you in your own lives but compared to discovering your own beliefs they will be ineffective. There is nothing wrong with having the same beliefs as someone but you have to ask yourself; why? Is it because you want to impress, or connect better with that person? Or because they told you that you have to believe that? Or is it because you independently arrived at the same beliefs?” Teacher Jack paused almost as if he expected an answer. Then he started pacing across the stage as he resumed speaking. His grey hair shook as he spoke. “Belief is too powerful of a phenomena to allow someone else control of it. Your beliefs shape your perception, and if you unconsciously believe what another has told you then that person can alter your perception. Which in turn alters your actions. I once travelled to a place where everybody believed the same as their parents. This had gone on for so many generations that most people didn’t even know what it was that they actually believed. Yet they continued to follow tradition without questioning it. There were a few people of power, and influence within that belief system that used their position for self interest. They used the control they had over their followers beliefs to make them do things that they otherwise wouldn’t do. They oppressed and massacred anybody that believed differently because it threatened their power. Those were dark times, and sadly they still continue.” Teacher Jack stopped in the middle of the stage, looking out over the crowd to gauge their reaction. 

“I tell you this not to create fear but to show you the dangers of unconscious belief. Don’t just believe everything I say, look inside yourself, and analyze what I have said. You have the choice to believe what you want. Find your own beliefs in your own life, and your own experiences because those are the only things that you can guarantee the validity of.” Teacher Jack bowed slightly once he finished speaking then he hopped off the platform. I barely heard a few people comment on the lesson around me over all the clapping and whistling. As the cheering winded down some people began filing out of the building while others gathered in groups to discuss belief, and what it meant to them. 

“I’ll be right back.” Matilda said as she squeezed my arm. I watched her go then let my attention drift around the room. 

Everywhere I looked there was so much going on. It was too much to tune out so as I contemplated the lesson as I observed the people of the village in their natural setting. The lesson seemed pretty short. Almost as if it was more of a jumping off point to give the people something to discuss. I hadn’t really thought about my beliefs in a long time. 

“What did you think of the lesson?” A voice beside me said. I turned to see David standing beside me. He watched me intently.

“It spoke to things I had already felt were true. I had been raised to believe certain things growing up but those weren’t my beliefs. Eventually I renounced them.” I responded. 

“What did you believe then?” David leaned in, resting in his arms on the couch ahead of him.

“I guess I didn’t really believe anything after that, and I would get annoyed at anyone for mentioning their beliefs. I assumed that they had just been taught their beliefs as well, without finding them for themselves.”

“Interesting. In a way you had imposed a belief there that affected your perception. However unconsciously.”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that. That belief then affected my action, and made me hostile towards what anyone else had to say on the matter.”

“Just like Teacher Jack said. Have you thought on how you might accept others in what they believe even if it seems like they aren’t their own beliefs?” David asked. 

I was silent for a moment, letting the ideas simmer in my mind. “I could try that. I think it would be dependent on how they act then. Regardless of the source of their ideologies, if they led them to live a good life I could be more accepting.”

David nodded to himself, as if that was the answer he had expected. “You’ve given me much to think about. Thank you Traveler.” He bowed his head to me slightly before walking off. Someone called his name, and he wandered towards another group to join their discussion. Leaving me to my thoughts.

Maybe I could develop my beliefs a bit more, or at least to the point where I actually have them. It seemed like my life has been missing out on meaning for a long time, and I could certainly use some.

“Traveler, there is someone here I would like you to meet.” Matilda said, drawing my attention away from the group I had been watching as I thought. I turned to see Matilda standing there with Teacher Jack behind her. Now that I saw him up close there was something oddly familiar about him that I couldn’t quite figure out.

“I would like to speak to the Traveller alone, if that’s alright with you Matilda.” He said as he examined me, it felt like he could see the very essence of my being.

“Of course.” Matilda murmured before walking off. Teacher Jack motioned me to follow him, and we walked through the crowd, occasionally stopping so he could shake someone's hand, or offer some insight into their conversation. We walked past an open door, on the other side of it was a room full of even more shelves of books. Teacher Jack held open the next door for me, and I entered his office. Again every inch of wall space was covered with art, some were simple drawings of Teacher Jack that a child might have made, while others were covered with angelic figures, and people gathering in unity. The few shelves in the room were lined with small sculptures and figurines. A thick wooden desk sat in the middle of the room with one cushioned chair behind it and two in front of it, and behind the desk was a large bay window filled with cushions and stacks of books. The window looked out onto the park, and the trees swaying in the breeze.

“How are you enjoying the village?” Teacher Jack asked once he was seated.

“It’s incredible. I’ve never been anywhere with such a strong community bond.” I said, as I paced around the room. I was unsure of exactly why Teacher Jack had wanted to talk to me alone but I knew he would talk to me with the same respect, and acceptance as everyone else had. That helped me feel more comfortable. I could see that he was completely focused on what I had to say, and I tried to do the same.

“Yes, it’s quite a unique place.” Teacher Jack said, a distant look in his eye. Once his attention returned to the present he continued. “The sense of community is one of the reasons I settled here after my years of traveling. These people offered me everything they had before they even knew who I was, and now I try to extend that same hospitality to any newcomers.” There was that sense of familiarity that I couldn’t quite place again, it tickled my brain. 

“What caused you to become the village teacher?” I asked, wanting to know everything about this wonderful place and it’s various citizens.

Teacher Jack smiled for a second, “Everyone teaches the skills they know. As for me I don’t really have any practical skills. What I do have is plenty of knowledge, and life experience, and I wanted to contribute in any way that I could. It started with me being the caretaker of this building and offering advice when asked. Eventually it turned into what you just saw out there.”

“Yeah. I was amazed by how everyone hung onto every word you spoke, and the ideas were simple enough that even the children could benefit but still had depth to stimulate the adults.”

“Well the whole point of my lessons are to facilitate discussions. I have to teach in a way that is conducive to that.”

“I had thought that that was the reason. It seemed like people were just as excited for the discussion afterward as they were for the lesson itself.”

Teacher Jack barked a laugh at that. “I wouldn’t be surprised if there were still people out there discussing their ideas around belief when the dinner bell rings. There is such a variety of opinions, and life philosophies here that people never get tired of talking to each other.”

“That’s something that I don’t have much of in my life. Seems like most of the people I met aren’t interested in exploring those kinds of ideas.” I looked out the window. My eyes felt heavy, and I could feel a pressure in my heart.

“Do you assume that, or have you tried to bring them up just to be shut down?” 

“Huh?” I turned back to Teacher Jack. His words poked at me. “I guess both. I had some conversations where people shut me down for my ideas, and then assumed it would always happen.” My own behaviour seemed so strange when I reflected on it. I could see the obvious flaws in my approach now but somehow before I hadn’t realized why I did a lot of the things I did. “What are you getting at?”

“Nothing. Just doing what I do best. Challenging people to look at things differently.” Teacher Jack smiled up at me. There was a knowingness to his grin that seemed out of place.

The sense of familiarity was really starting to drive me crazy. It was almost as if he was someone I knew that had created a slightly different personality due to the situation. Like some sort of experiment. 

Then it clicked. 

“Dr. Vareo.” I whispered. 

A slight narrowing of the eyes was all the reaction I got but that was enough to confirm my suspicions. Teacher Jack… or should I say Dr. Vareo, stood up and walked over to the window. He looked out of it for a few moments. Realizing that the scientists of the Consciousness Laboratory played in this virtual world reminded me of the reality of my situation. I had almost completely forgotten I was only a sophisticated computer simulation. And that I had taken a new pharmaceutical. 

Everything had seemed like it was exactly the way it should be.. 

As if I was synchronized to the flow of existence. Immersed in each moment to the point that no other moment existed. 

That feeling had been shattered the moment I recognized Dr. Vareo. 

Now I looked at my surroundings with a new perspective. One that saw things for what they are, and I was even more amazed than before. This entire world had a flourishing culture. It had life that didn’t ceaselessly consume but instead attempted to find balance, and understanding in its existence. No wonder Dr. Vareo would want to spend time here.

“How did you figure it out?” He said, finally breaking the silence and turning to look at me.

I shrugged my shoulders, “I’m not really sure, something about you just seemed familiar. It might also have something to do with my altered state of consciousness.”

“You can’t stay here any longer. None of the people in the village know who I really am, and I would prefer it to stay that way.” Dr.  Vareo said with quiet intensity. “You can slip out of the back door of this place then make your way out of the park.” I nodded then stood up to go, “One more thing. Once you’re away from here press this button.” 

He handed me a small piece of green plastic that looked like it was made of lego. There was a red button on the side. “This is a secret that few people know exist, and even fewer have ever experienced. Think of it as a reward for figuring out who I was.” Dr. Vareo said as I waited with my hand on the doorknob. 

I cautiously opened the door and checked to make sure the way was clear. There were still a lot of people there but they were completely focused on their discussions. I saw the back door immediately, and made my way towards it as quickly as possible without appearing conspicuous. 

I breathed a sigh of relief once I was outside, without waiting another second I set off towards the nearest edge of the park at a fast pace. 

My head was still buzzing from all that had happened, and I was about ready to return to normal reality. Except I was still feeling the effects of the compound that they had given me. My body felt loose, and almost like it was moving on its own. I could also still see the visual distortions if I looked around without paying attention to what I was seeing.

I ignored them, and focused on my goal. I wanted to know what this secret was. Dr. Vareo had had a hint of awe in his voice as he spoke of it. It felt like there had been one exciting event after the next since entering this virtual world, and they were all starting to blur together. 

My time in the village had opened me up to a whole new way of life, where community, and self expression become the most important aspects of existence. Not to mention the openness, support, and acceptance that they had shown. 

Not just to me but to life itself. 

I felt like certain things were coming together and I had learned a profound lesson that would radically change my life.

I reached the nearest building, a large block of condos, and ducked behind it. I poked my head out to make sure nobody was following me. I’m not sure why I was being so cautious. I felt like I would be able to keep Dr. Vareo’s secret pretty easily. I hadn’t revealed to anybody that this was all a virtual world, and that seemed like a much bigger secret.

I looked down at the piece of plastic in my hand. Then took a breath, and clicked the red button. 

Nothing happened.

I clicked it again, wondering if this was some sort of practical joke Dr. Vareo was playing on me for busting him. 

Then I started to float. Well, not exactly. My viewpoint started to move upwards but if I focused on what I was seeing completely I could faintly feel the sensation of weightlessness. I stretched my arms out to the sky, and watched the windows of the condo go by. Eventually I crested the roof. 

The entire city stretched out before me. Miles, and miles of roads, and buildings, some stretching up to the sky with me.

I looked up, and the sky seemed brighter than before. I watched as it got brighter, and brighter until it was almost blinding. Then all I could see was white. I had no sense of depth, or distance. It could have stretched on forever.

“Hello,” An elderly woman’s voice said from behind me. I turned to find a tiny dark skinned woman staring up at me. She was wearing a pink rain coat over a plain white t-shirt, a pair of jeans and rubber boots that matched her coat. Her curly hair was grey speckled with black, and freckles covered her face. She looked up at me with dark eyes that seemed to sparkle with glowing flecks that reminded me of stars. I was so startled I took a step backwards. 

She took a step closer. 

“Hello.” She said again.

“Uh... Hi.” I managed to say after a few seconds. The little woman just stared up at me expectantly, her unwavering gaze was unnerving but I couldn’t look away. “Who are you?” I said trying to make things a bit less uncomfortable.

“I’m the Original.” She said as she continued to stare deeply into my eyes.

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m the first program. All the inhabitants of this world were spawned from my coding.” She said. I hadn’t really considered how the people of this world reproduced but what she said made sense. 

“Where are we?”

“Everywhere,” She paused to smile a mischievous grin, “and nowhere.” She waved her hand with her palm facing down and suddenly we were standing in the air over the village. I wasn’t exactly afraid of heights but standing in the sky supported by nothing was kind of disorienting. I could feel a pit in my stomach whenever I looked down so I kept my view focused on the woman’s face. 

She must have noticed my unease because she waved her hand again, and we returned to the infinite whiteness. It still seemed like we were floating but now at least I had no sense of where the ground might be. Questions darted through my mind faster than I could grab on to them. I finally had someone who would be able to answer any question I asked but I couldn’t decide where to start.

“Are you some kind of God?” I asked finally. She smiled again, then took my arm, and started walking. I had no choice but to walk with her. It helped keep everything from piling up and overwhelming me though, so I was grateful.

“In a way, yes. At least within this virtual world I am. But then I would also consider Dr. Vareo, and his colleagues to be a form of gods as well. Since they created this world and me. It would also be perfectly logical to consider all the beings of this world to be god also because they were created from my code.”

“Isn’t a god a single all powerful entity though? Someone that stands outside of their creation?”

The woman shook her head and tsked, then went on in a tone like she was lecturing a small child. “The creator and the created are not separate. No. Part of the creator lives within each creation.  That is one of the reasons why Dr. Vareo comes here so often. He feels a sense of responsibility for the well being of his creation. At the same time he doesn’t want to force it upon them. He wants them to find their own path.”

“And you don’t feel the same way?”

“No, I’m content to sit back and watch as our creation develops. Although sometimes I like to create a little adventure just to keep things interesting.” There was that mischievous grin again, as if she knew a joke that nobody else did.

“Wouldn’t it have been just as easy to create gods instead? Why put the people of this world through all that trouble?”

“Because nobody would learn anything then. You see dear, gods have a tendency to think that they know everything, and maybe they do but only from the point of view of a god. There are a lot of things that can only be learned from a limited existence. I may be a god, but as my creation develops their code will get more complex and eventually they will surpass me.”

“Wait, so you are creating gods?”

“Well, yes, in a slow roundabout sort of way. They still have a long way to go though. This is just another avenue for evolution to explore. Will they ever reach godhood? Maybe, maybe not. But they have that potential the same as humanity does.”

“What do you mean?”

She patted me arm, “In a way all of this is just the same energy of the big bang coalescing into more complicated forms. Did you think that process would ever end?”

It felt like she was speaking to something intangible that had slumbered in my subconscious for years. The evolution of the universe slipped through my fingers. From the primordial explosion that brought matter into being through the birth of the first stars. On, and on matter had coalesced, and shifted into more complex forms until life emerged. 

Here I was. The physical embodiment of that process.

I didn’t know what else to say so we walked on in silence. I felt like I had been shaken to the core then tossed out into a world that I did not understand. Had things always been this complicated, or did we just make them that way?

“I don’t get it though. If this is all just the natural process of the universe evolving then why is there so much pain?”

“Humans seem to like their own suffering. They think it makes them strong, and that there is no growth without pain.” She paused, looking up at me. I felt like a child looking into her eyes. “Maybe it was the brutality of the natural world that taught them this, or one of their own philosophies that they have come to accept as truth. Either way, we only accept what we think we deserve.” Her words spoke to something deep inside of me. I didn’t know what it was but I could feel it writhing within my consciousness. 

Eventually I noticed a grey door up ahead, there didn’t seem to be anything behind it. Just a lonely door floating in infinity. We walked toward it, not quite in a hurry but not taking our sweet time either. I had the feeling of finality, like my journey was coming to an end. We stopped in front of the door.

“This is where I leave you.” The woman said, “I really enjoyed our conversation.” I glanced at the door. 

When I looked back she was gone. 

So this was it. After all my time in this virtual world I had arrived at my final destination. I hesitated, realizing I didn’t really want to leave this world. It was such a magical place filled with extraordinary people. The real world would seem dull in comparison. 

Finally, after taking a few deep breaths, I opened the door and stepped inside.

The door shut behind me, and there I was standing in the middle of the room on the motion pad with the VR headset strapped on my head. I stepped closer, and I saw my body in front of me take a step as well. 

There was a dissonance within me. I could feel my body, and the tech I was hooked into but at the sametime it was distant. As if I was watching someone else.

I knew that I was actually standing on the motion pad in the exact same room yet somehow I couldn’t tell which was more real. 

Was I my body, or was I the awareness watching body from the outside? My sense of spatial orientation disintegrated. 

The room started to spin. Everything seemed out of place. Nausea rose up within me. If that was me, then who was I? If that wasn’t me, then who was it? I watched my body lean forward to grip the supports of the motion pad.

Nothing made sense. 

“Make it go away!” I shouted, trying to pull the headset off, and recoiling as the body infront of me did the same. 

I pulled at the straps, and couldn’t get the headset off. 

Sweat trickled down my spine. Everything seemed unreal. I didn’t exist, and what I was seeing didn’t exist. Every sensation I felt was just a trick. It wasn’t really me feeling those things because I wasn’t me. 

My identity collapsed, shattered into a billion tiny fragments. 

Every memory I had flashed through my mind, and each one seemed less real than the last. 

I felt death beside me, stroking my being, as I watched the body continue to struggle to remove the headset. 

My heart pounded in my chest, desperate to escape. I couldn’t move. I didn’t know how. Was anything I had experienced real? Or was it all some grand cosmic joke? My life seemed like a poorly written movie as it laughed at me from within my own head. Did it even matter?

If it all had been for nothing I wouldn’t even know it.

Insignificant.

Infinite.

I couldn’t see the difference.

Something inside me cracked under the strain, and my mind went quiet. There was a peace to the emptiness, as if by accepting my own meaninglessness I was free.

Free from the weight of my own expectations.

Free from the confines of social obligation.

Free from the endless progress, and decay of time.

The screen turned off. I stood there surrounded by blackness. My heart beat steadily in my chest. I sucked in one ragged breath after the next. 

It reminded me that I was alive again. Pulled back into a different layer of reality where my physical existence was real. A warmth spread through my chest, and my body shook with a laughter that I had never felt before. I laughed with everything I had because there might come a day when I would be unable to laugh. 

Underneath it all was a memory. 

A memory of just before the screen had turned off, and for a second I heard the silence of eternity.